An open letter to my cousin…

For over 30 years, I have cherished you. Though we met as children a few times, we truly connected later in life in our 30s. Like magnets, since the beginning and even until now, you are cherished.

GSA (Genetic Attraction*) is a condition that can develop in people when they spend very little or no time growing up with a relative in their life and then reconnect later. It amounts to an extraordinarily strong attraction and love developed toward the other person. It is intense beyond normal feelings of love, which leaves those who develop it without much choice in any decision on the matter. It is devastatingly strong, which is why it can create many unfortunate situations, such as those that develop between, for example, a mother and the child they might have put up for adoption or abandoned, etc. Sometimes it can be just one person or both, and it is so powerful it is almost inescapable in terms of getting rid of any feeling, it can become truly unfortunate.

With you, I developed GSA. At first, I did not understand what was happening, but after learning about it, everything immediately made sense, key of which is why, after meeting up in late 2021, we then went on to spend every single day talking to each other until it ended a short while ago, nearly 5 years later in June 2026. The feeling stemming from GSA is, without doubt, the strongest thing I’ve ever felt in my entire 40-year life. Intense doesn’t begin to address the intensity involved, such that when I finally realized it, it felt to me almost as if it was supernatural. It just felt like a love no other person could possibly feel. It still does. And this is why I made you aware of it fairly early on. I didn’t know what to do, but I was certain I should have been honest… And I was, in fact, honest, as you know.

All else aside, every single day we spent together at long distance felt nothing short of magical. I should be clear that there isn’t one bit of hyperbole involved in anything written here. I can’t speak for you, but I will take your actions in being there every day as evidence enough. As it has always been, I have not enjoyed another person more, ever.

But, as in any friendship, there were, of course, arguments. Arguments which lead me here today. Because on our last one, you decided, for whatever reason, to end the friendship completely. And that’s fine. In fact, you’re aware that I never had any issue with that. However, the way you left is not only problematic on its own, but more importantly with the damage it caused and is still causing. As I told you before, GSA is unlike anything else in the power of what it engenders. In no uncertain terms, I do not think people are meant to feel feelings as strong as the ones stemming from GSA, and they only get worse as time goes on. And because of that, I need you to understand that the way you left, cutting things off, refusing to let me speak, and determining I did or was doing things I simply was not; has resulted in the worst series of pain, both mental and physical, of a strength I’ve truly never experienced before, and it is unending.

I need you to understand that hurting people with GSA is different. It is a different scenario. It’s akin to someone with an immunodeficiency catching a cold. Whereas most people with a broken heart are well able to move on, this is entirely different.

Daily, without fail, I’ve woken up nauseous. Sometimes it goes away quickly; other times it does not. But daily I have had a straight throughline of constantly feeling nausea. These pains have come in random waves every single day since you first did this, and I cannot ever overstate how much of an unending nightmare it has been. Nausea is only the background noise along with the inability to eat. The two often work hand in hand. The waves include not being able to breathe properly or having shortness of breath at random points in the day, headaches, and at times, random chest pains or the feeling of pressure around my heart…

These waves, when they come, are debilitating in every sense of the word. When it starts, I simply can’t keep operating like normal. I’ve tried. And this doesn’t even mention that alongside these physical manifestations is the mental anguish from constantly having to wonder why I was treated as if I mean nothing. That’s bad enough, but try being treated like that by someone whom you, without embellishment, treated wonderfully. I mean, I’ve never held anyone in such high regard, and I know this because I purposefully and consciously went out of my way to constantly make sure I had your best interests in mind. It was enough that even without GSA, a person would be especially hurt to be treated that way.

To be clear, you had reason to be mad. But you certainly had no justification to refuse to talk at all. Behavior like this is reserved for people you cannot work with by any means: violent people, abusers, people trying to hurt you. I’m so far away from any of those things it would be an exercise in absurdity to pretend otherwise. And sure, people are allowed to not want to speak in any instance… but that’s why you communicate that and then talk later. However, you did none of those things. You just cut my speech short and then used my reaction to justify more backlash. All of it was completely uncalled for, objectively. And these things, the stifling of speech completely, the silent treatment, the threatening to never speak again when we had just spent 5 years talking daily… these are not only forms of abuse, but for someone experiencing GSA, they were and are utterly hurtful. Hurtful in a very real and dangerous sense. My health has reached lows I’ve never experienced in my entire life.

You have to understand that this forced abandonment and callous treatment is the direct catalyst for all of this pain. And the ONLY way to stop it is by having you stop doing it. This is why I have been trying to reach out for months every single day in order to seek closure. If it is still your wish to end the friendship, as I have said, it isn’t and never has been my goal to stop you from seeking contact. I simply need you to stop this treatment.

I understand how, in your position, you are seeing it as a violation of your wishes or a violation of any sort you choose. And like many people who do not understand the strength of GSA, it might be easy for you to disregard all of the pain I have tried to tell you you have caused. Or it might be easy to determine any attempt to contact you as a way to convince you to be friends once again. But that is simply not my intention at all. And when you see these transgressions as a violation of your autonomy, you need to understand two things:

ONE: 1 conversation, or even 5 conversations for closure, are not a restarting of any sort of anything. I simply fail to see how you can give someone so much time over 4 years and then decide ~20 minutes of discussion is a bridge too far.

& TWO: This isn’t any sort of game. This is about my health. And while I understand that it’s very hard for anyone to understand or believe the severity of the pain involved or that it’s not something which can just be gotten over, your skepticism, especially without actual inquiry to check for yourself if you are hurting someone, should never be left as just that and used as a reason to ignore any and all pleas. That’s completely irresponsible, simply because if it’s the case that you are incorrect, and the person is being fully truthful or is experiencing something you simply don’t understand, you are leaving someone in endless pain brought about by your own straightforwardly uncalled-for actions. And that’s what abuse is… hurting people by doing something which isn’t deserved or warranted, knowing it is hurting them, and continuing anyway. And this is what I am experiencing every single day.

Of course, it is my hope that you simply don’t understand and can’t comprehend what you are doing. And to be honest, it’s not like this is all that rare in people. Many people make the mistake of hurting people and not having a clue what they are doing. But I have tried to tell you. And it sucks that I’ve had to do anything I can to try to get you to understand, culminating in this open letter. And that’s what this letter is for. It is a letter requesting that you stop.

Please stop perpetrating this constant pain.

It has been harrowing and so costly to my health.

When people give others the silent treatment, it is ongoing abuse. And the way they end is by talking. It should not require years-long therapy with huge costs while the person still experiences mental anguish all the same. I’m asking you to stop and finally talk. Because while many people get to do what you did regularly — and as terrible as it is, with the majority of recipients getting over it in short order. In this case, you don’t have that liberty. Because the person you just so happen to be dealing with is dealing with a condition which heightens the pain exponentially and who has already suffered and continues to suffer plenty. It’s gone too far; I’ve gone through too much pain for too many nights and have lost too many pounds.

And so it is my hope that you get this letter and come to your senses. It’s my hope that you realize, if you hadn’t before, that this isn’t a joke or an expression of dramatics. What I seek is very simple: closure in order to stop the pain, and if it is still your wish, we can both move on.

You need to know that the suffering has been excruciating, and of course I’ve been incredibly angry as a direct result. As I am only human. It is frustrating when your life is at risk and the person causing it does nothing but retreat. It’s infuriating. But my reaction to pain is just that. And just as I’ve always been understanding with you, even in this dark situation I have understanding reserved for you. But I can not understand when you do not speek. And I need you to speek very soon as I can not continue on like this for much longer.

So I hope this letter provides you with clarity and that you use it to create positive outcomes for everyone, because thinking about yourself alone is how people will always get hurt. You gotta think about others, Keisha, because no one gets anywhere on their own. Ever. No one is self made outside of those who pretend.

Sincerely,

Ariel Alejandro Ruff

PS: I have let her know and tried to let her know that my state of health because of this is grave. In all seriousness if my death comes as a result of this, I hope this serves as evidence of what lead to it. It hurts that I even have to say that but unfortunately the situation isn't being taken seriously.